Full Cheese for Jersey Shore Shark Attack!

Posted Jun 12 2012, 3:08 am in bad movies, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, Miscellany

I have a thing for bad science fiction – the cheesier the better. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!? You betcha. Mars Attacks! Oh, yeah. Until Saturday, my favorite Cheesiest Movie of All Time was Megapython vs. Gatoroid, a SyFy original movie starring Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

Best line: “I think we’re alone now.”

“There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.”

June 9th was the premiere of SyFy’s latest original lampoon, Jersey Shore Shark Attack. I admit, I counted the days until this one…  come on, be honest! Who doesn’t want to see “Nooki” and her BumpIt chomped by a great white, or “The Complication” down an ab muscle or two? Someone on Twitter called it Tremors, except on water, with guidos instead of rednecks. Another Twitter user posted she was sad it wasn’t a documentary. Most Twitter users agreed with this post: “I’m Team Shark.” Pound it. *holds out fist*

This movie was so bad, I gave it its own Cheese Awards.

• Cheesy Special Effects – the first shark attack. Vinnie Clams out in his dinghy, cigar stuck in his teeth, loses a hand and the blood spray is LITERAL – as in, it even came with an aerosol can hiss sound effect.
• Cheesy Acting – the Guidos – oh, the Guidos. Every time they got serious about ‘doing something,’ they’d go off-camera with this shoulder swagger thing that could only have been cheesier if set to a disco soundtrack.
• Cheesy Lines – “Hey. Whoa, whoa. Hey. Bro. Yo, yo, yo.”  I kept a running score of the number of bro’s and yo’s and they outnumbered the shark attacks by a factor of 10. “What shark could resist 25 grams of power-packed peanut butter crunch?” *rolls eyes* And this gem: “Bro, you can’t put that in a coffin – it’s gonna look ridiculous.”  And the award for BEST Cheesy Line is: “He drowndid?” *head thunk*
• Cheesy Jokes – “Pizza delivery!” Yeah, that one also was uttered more than once.
• Cheesy Scenes – By far, the funniest cameo of all time, Joey Fatone, formerly of NSync, approaches the microphone to begin his concert set on the boardwalk and a shark just LEAPS across camera and swallows him whole. I pulled a muscle at that one. And, our intrepid hair-gelled heroes steal assault weapons and go all mafia on some shark tail. But it’s our gal, Nooki, who beats one off with an oar, that gets the Best Cheesy Scene award.

I have fun watching bad movies like these. Did you watch Jersey Shore Shark Attack? What was your favorite worst scene? What’s your favorite bad movie? Are you still following me after I live-Tweeted my enjoyment of this movie??

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