Posted Jun 3 2011, 7:30 am in author, Miscellany, Patty Blount, satire, summer jobs, teens, YA
Dear Summer Season Employer,
You’re a busy manager and as the summer begins, I know you won’t let things like gasoline at four-dollars-a-gallon prevent this season from being your best ever. Your business may teeter on the brink of closure, and sure, you’re hip-deep in employment applications from every unemployed able-bodied person in a fifty-mile radius. But you haven’t met my sons.
First, there’s Rob. He’s athletic, good-looking, and a beast with NASCAR and hockey stats. Yes, I know you sell hamburgers, but you never know when a hockey-loving NASCAR fan is going to walk in with cash to burn. You WANT Rob to be at the counter when it happens.
Next, there’s Chris. He’s got a great sense of humor, good-looking, and able to play video games for entire eight-hour shifts. He’s also quite talented at pool maintenance. No matter what your core business model, hiring Chris gets you wise-ass jokes during working hours and your pool vacuumed and serviced after. It’s a win/win.
Don’t let these hard economic times – with customers leaving you for online shopping – sway you.
Hire local. Hire teenagers. If it doesn’t work out, hey – it’s just for two months!
Boys are standing by, waiting for your call.
Signed,
A broke mom
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Awww…If only we could apply for our kids – I suspect we know them better than they know themselves sometimes!
Best of luck to your boys this Summer :)
That’s what prompted this satirical letter… “NOBODY’S HIRING!” “Really? Bet I can find you a job!”
I’m sure Chris has tried it, but, around here, pool maintenance is big business. He might be able to find seasonal work for someone with pool maintenance business. It’s good money for a kid, and he could do it part-time once he goes to college. Much better than Chucky Cheese.
As for nobody hiring, it is a bummer. All the jobs that used to go to kids are now scarce.
My 17-year-old son recently got a job at Lucky’s and has made it quite clear every single day how much he hates it and doesn’t want to work! I told him that I read a study of teen employment. In 2000, 51% of teens between the ages 16 and 20 were working. In 2010, it has decreased to 26%. He’s in the minority and should be proud and glad that he was hired. HE says, none of his friends are working, so why should he? Should I have expected a different response? ACK!
Catie, big problem is Chris does not drive yet. But I suspect there are enough neighbors with pools who might be interested. I may have to confiscate the video game system to entice him to try, though.
Patti, where is Lucky’s?
OMG Patty – I laughed so hard and totally agree! Getting my two boys out into the market has been worse than pulling teeth.
Neither of my kids drive – they’re 20 and 17 – and they’ll be biking to any job they get. So not only will they earn $, but they’ll stay in shape, lol…now all they need to do is get the damn job!
Hugs from one broke mom to another!
That’s funny, Patty! I’m sure your sons will appreciate all your hard work on their behalf. :-) Seriously though, I hope they find great jobs for the summer!
I remember those summers.
Praying someone would hire the kids and let them gain some life experience.
My kids are grown, but I fee for you.
All smiles
Thanks everyone! I even offered their baby-sitting services to my boss, but that went over like a lead balloon!
LOL! I love it. My son works part time where I work- thank goodness because his favorite boots cost $200! I just say hey you have a job here’s the 40 I was willing to spend have fun.
Oh Patty, I feel your pride – and pain.
If you lived nearby, I’d offer your sons weekend work assisting my husband on photography assignments. Any people skills the boys have would be put to use.
It’s so very hard to match them with the ‘right’ job at this age. Even harder when so many kids the same age are looking for the same work. Maybe they need to start applying well before the summer hiring season begins.
My daughter is not quite 16 so her options are limited right now but we’ll be having this same exact problem next summer. Keep us posted. Let us know if your boys find work. We’re rooting for them!
This was great! Laugh out loud funny. I know several mothers who would like to copy your letter, tweak a little, and send it off.
Good luck with the sons!
Exceptional job application. I recall owning one of these once. Unfortunately, mine way over qualified. Oh why she knew everything. There was no way anyone could possibly afford her. Suntan lotion, ice tea and a large body of water, please. Aren’t teens just so fun. But, we love them. Yeah…we do. Good luck moms.
$200 for boots? Oh, my!
Deborah, what a shame! The oldest just finished a Photoshop course.
Yes, they’re fun and we love them, but so exasperating, right?
Patty your post brought a smile to my lips. Thanks.
Good luck with the summer employment!