Posted Sep 23 2011, 1:33 am in author, parenting, Patty Blount, teens
Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of people share encounters with ill-behaved children. One friend recently had a run-in with a charming little boy on the playground who called her a liar, and pushed a baby. Worse, the boy’s mother verbally attacked her after she corrected him. Another friend blogged about her encounter with teens who blatantly stole her daughter’s ball. And me? I had the misfortune of being stuck behind a thoughtlessly slow woman in the supermarket checkout line while her son, screaming for a quarter, kept taking treats from the display rack.
It all got me thinking. Are we raising um… how can I say this nicely… well, assholes? You know the kind of people I mean… they’ll grab the last seat on a bus or subway and won’t give it up even for a pregnant woman on crutches, or speed right up to the orange cones to force you to let them into your lane even after miles of construction signs warn the lane is closed. They see the yummy lunch you packed in the office fridge and take it because, let’s face it – they’re jerks.
There seems to be this wide-spread sense of entitlement and worse, it’s growing. Why do so many people believe they deserve better treatment, better parking spots, better lives than the rest of us? I have a theory but I warn you, you’re not gonna like the answer.
It’s our fault. Yep, that’s right, OUR. FAULT.
With due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, let’s take a little quiz:
1) Are you the kind of parent who hands your child a quarter for the vending machines, or buys some treat in eight of the stores you visit and then actually expect that child NOT to throw a tantrum when you finally say no in the ninth? Then you might be raising an asshole.
2) Do you take your kids out to restaurants and permit them to be loud, rude, and wild because it’s easier than disciplining? Then you might be raising an asshole.
3) Do you immediately JUMP to your children’s defense when another adult has the AUDACITY to correct their poor behavior because you did not? Then you might be raising an asshole.
4) Do you threaten your children’s teachers with letters to the principal or the board of education when they have the GALL to inform you your child is disruptive in class? Sorry, sweetie, you ARE raising an asshole – no question.
5) Are you the kind of parent who shakes her head when you see your children being mean to other siblings or their friends, and dismiss it with an eye roll and a sigh instead of correcting them? Yep. You’re doing it again.
Look, I’m no expert. I can only judge by what I’ve seen. It seems to me that raising adults who respect boundaries, respect other people and respect themselves requires a good example. Hey, I get it! We’re not perfect. We make mistakes. So how is it so easy to believe our kids are perfect?
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Oh, it’s a fine line and so easy to do. Sometimes, I’d have to say, yes…guilty. Other times, not so much.
I guess like so many things in parenting, it’s a mixed bag.
You know what I hate? When people tell me how lucky I am that my daughters are so well behaved. Yeah, sure it was luck, no effort at all on my part.
Good stuff! As a mom in the thick of it NOW with three boys 2, 4, and 6, I can say I think you hit it out of the park on this. Have I been guilty of at least one of these transgressions from time to time. (#1 especially…trying to bribe so Ic an get thru errands!) Gulp. Probably. I do the best I can and for the most part, avoid 1-5…..hopefully my three won’t turn out like aholes! I know/have seen parents who commit 1-5 on a regular basis–totally consciously!! Really! God, I hope mine turn out better than theirs!!!
Just want to clarify #4 is never excusable!!! NE-VER!
Eh, I am a teacher (and a proud one) and sometimes teachers are the assholes. Not usually, but it does happen. And when it does, it’s not just bad it can be damaging.
The first time one of my little angels threw himself on the floor of a store kicking and screaming, I vowed it would be THE LAST. I used to take my sons to Toys R Us on a regular basis JUST TO LOOK.
We never bought anything.
The first few times, we were in and out in minutes. Empty-handed, though. I resolved that they would learn they are not entitled to presents just because we’re shopping.
Then, I started bringing a note pad with me. When the “Mommy, buy me this!” demands started, I took out the pad, noted down the toy they absolutely had to have or life would end.
Eventually, they stopped asking. Better, they stopped DEMANDING. When a birthday or Christmas rolled around and I showed them the list they’d made, more than half of the things on it had lost their interest.
It’s not easy. It’s EXHAUSTING.
The truth is, we’re embarrassed by negative reports so we deny it instead of facing the truth. Jeannie, that’s a good point – sometimes, it IS the adults who are the assholes. Wonder where it all began…?
I agree with Jeannie, but I also agree with #4. 9 times out of 10, when it comes to unruly offspring, the adults in their lives are typically just as bad. It gives a profound meaning to: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree ;)
Assholes raising assholes. It’s a vicious cycle and we need to break it. I don’t have children and all of my friends who come to me for advice and then don’t like what I tell them point this out. What? I need to have given birth to know the difference between being respectful and not? I don’t think so.